Friday 18 December 2009

Tis the Season . . .

Love them or loathe them it is the season for the Round Robin. I gave up reading them years ago and they head straight for the shredder unread. I have neither the time nor the will to read them.

Personally I would rather read a couple of personal lines scribbled on a Christmas card.

My daughter has written one this year. I've changed the names to protect the innocent, but have decided to reproduce it here.

So with thanks to Lisa Johnson . . .

January - a new niece was born, and Boris turned 4 years of age! We were entering month 4 of an endless bout of sickness which lasted another 2 months! We got through it by singing songs and hitting each other with holly leaves.

February - Valentines Day arrived along with a diamond ring from Dad for Mum, it was so perfect and un-flawed that we have had to put it in a vault and visit it at weekends. We all celebrated by singing and hitting ourselves with holly leaves.

March - Boris completed his A-level Maths. Next year he is going for French and History of Art! We rewarded him by allowing him to sing to us and hit us with holly leaves.

April - Spring sprung and we went to Disneyland Florida with our annual passes on our private jet, we stayed in the queen’s villa, which has a hot tub, and is actually situated in the middle of Disneyland. Mickey Mouse invited us for dinner and served us with white chocolate cakes and mint toothpaste on crackers. We were a bit surprised that he was drunk and we had to leave quickly. We hid ourselves under some holly leaves and sang to ourselves quietly to comfort ourselves.

May - Eugenie starred in her own play, she wrote the script and all the music and was mentioned in most of the major London newspapers - she met God and Jesus and they signed her t-shirt. We gave them some holly leaves and sang to them.

June - We were so wrapped up in ourselves we barely noticed that summer was upon us! We spent a lot of time outside singing loudly much to the delight of all who live near us. We cooked nasty food on the bbq, and Eugenie turned 2. We sang to her and hit her with holly leaves.

July & August we took a tour of Mars and stopped off at the moon on the way home, we got a real feel for 'life in space' and wonder how we ever got on before we went there. There were no holly leaves to hit ourselves with and our singing got lost as there was no atmosphere.

September - Boris started at university, he adores it! He spends most of his time reciting the dictionary (his favourite book!) and he recently drew plans up for a new luxury home for us! He has made so many little friends and he hits them with holly leaves and teaches them to sing.

October - Dad was released from his duty at the local charity 'cash for the under-privileged' he has spent 65 hours a week for the last 20 years doing good works and looking down on the needy and stupid. So he has now joined a barbershop quartet and sings with them while wearing holly leaves as a buttonhole.

November - Boris has excelled at his music lessons, and has passed grade 57 recorder with angel wings, but only managed a distinction for piano at grade 33.

December - we are getting ready for our Christmas celebrations, we shall be singing locally, dancing through the streets, visiting the needy and baking them some delicious pies and things because the needy love pastry. Mum will be cooking her famous 7 meat Christmas dinner and Dad will be descending on earth from above on a golden cloud. Rainbows usually fly from our arseholes at this time of year because we are so bloody wonderful - so if you see a rainbow at this time of year, chances are you will find an arsehole at the end of it!

Merry Christmas - our lives are better than yours!!


  1. Ha ha ha! Love it.

    Maybe I'm in a minority though, because I love receiving round robin letters at Christmas and always send them. I get more annoyed by the cards that just say Love from X and Y and nothing else, when I'd love to hear those people's news. Because I've moved around quite a lot there are many people I send cards to at Christmas but don't see or phone otherwise. But I do want to stay in touch and know what's going on with them!

  2. That's so funny, Teresa! I've never had or sent a round robin so I have nothing to compare it with, but what fun to send a spoof one round and see what people say!

    I'm not one for Xmas cards really either. But this year my daughter did some at school on the computer so we ordered some of those and sent them to the rels and got a small box of Tinkerbell cards she wrote for her friends, Bah humbug! But it was getting silly we used to get so many and have to send loads out so we said no more!

    Julie xx

  3. Hee hee. Your daughter's obviously inherited your writing talent. I'd love to get one like this.


  4. Teresa

    The perfect antidote to some of the awful, unsolicited, self-indulgent clap-trap that arrives, snuggled up inside the greetings card. I'm not a miserable person by nature, but I wince when I realise that some of my nearest and dearest friends have fallen into the 'round robin' trap.

  5. I knew someone out there would love them, Womag. I'm sure they can't all be awful.

    Never had one, Julie? We've been getting them for years and having got tired of passing the sick bucket round between bouts of hysteria, we decided to just not bother reading them.

    Thanks, Suzanne. I must admit I'd rather get one like this than the usual rubbish.

    Martin - you've summed it up beautifully. Self-indulgent clap-trap - you must get the same ones I do!

  6. I only seem to get them from people I never really knew very well in the first place which makes it all the more pointless. But good news, the Father Ted Christmas special is on Channel 4 tomorrow night.

  7. PS I can't help it - everytime I see your Lovely Blog award, it reminds me of Father Ted.

  8. Ha ha ha - I'm not keen on them either. I'd far rather hear from people throughout the year than just once a year.

    I also don't like pre-printed labels, but I know some people are just too busy to write envelopes and others are pysically unable to - I'm afraid it's the latter I have any sympathy for. I too am busy, but I still prefer a hand-scribbled envelope.

    And then there's Moonpig, perfect for Valentines and good fun if you have the personalised card sent to the sender first to write in it, but not just pre-printed and fired off from somewhere in the Channel Islands. Very impersonal.

    Oh gosh, you started me off there, didn't you. Sorry. :oD

  9. Hilarious, Teresa!! Please tell your daughter she's brilliant! We don't get 'round robins' from anyone, although we did used to get one, years ago, from people we knew (slightly) who went to live abroad. It was pretty much full of their children's achievements, and I agree with the sick-bucket & shredder approach! Having said that, I do exchange a scribbled bit of personal news inside the card, with friends who we rarely see: a dozen words will normally cover it though! This year it was: 'All 3 daughters now married and we have a grandson'. There you go: our year summarised in 10 words!
    Personally I like Christmas cards, but I don't mind whether people send them to us or not, as long as they don't say 'We're donating to charity instead'. That just seems like the charity is being used as a cop-out!

  10. They do seem rather pointless don't they, Kath - round robins - not Father Ted and the Lovely girls!

    Agree with you about the Moonpig cards, Diane, but I am tempted to start printing labels for two reasons - my writing can be terrible and some of the envelopes I sent out this year were gold and silver and I fear for the posties eyesight trying to decipher my writing on that background.

    Thank you Olivia. I'm with you there about the bit of personal news, much nicer.

  11. I love Moonpig and e-cards like Jacquie Lawson. Without them I'd forget even my own mother's birthday. Round Robins - def NOT!
    And sorry, but I really dislike Christmas cards. I dont care if you've supported a charity,or your toddler has crafted them out of dried twigs and pasta - don't send them to me, please! If I'm in touch with you it's because I love you all year round and take it for granted you love me back.
    The only cards I put up are from my family and even then they irritate the life out of me - clashing with my colour scheme, shedding glitter everywhere, always falling over (not me the cards...though I do get wobbly by Boxing Day).
    Phew - where did that rant come from? ;0)

  12. The very worst are the e-mail ones that come from people who don't like us enough to scribble on a card and buy a stamp, but still expect us to be thrilled to learn their news.

  13. I think the thing I hate most about round robins is that they are all one way. They never ask - or seem to care - how you are. And maybe it's the way I take them but they do always seem either boastful or whining. If I haven't spoken to someone for a whole year I really don't care if they've had their dining room redecorated.

    Lynne Truss had a very good story in a recent Woman's Weekly Fiction Special on this subject!

    I do like a Christmas card though - of any form - just to say 'You're still in my thoughts - even if only once a year.'

  14. Jacquie Lawson is brilliant isn't she Sue.
    I love Christmas cards - giving and getting - I hadn't realised until now that some people didn't like them.

    I've never had an email one, Patsy - I hope they don't catch on.

    That is what winds me up, Bernadette, there's never even a sentence hoping that you and yours are well and you get the impression they couldn't give a toss anyway - at least that's my experience of the things.

    I loved Lynne Truss's story in the WW Fiction Special.

  15. I'll have to lookout for that WW special - they'rr hard to come by over here
    I've never actually not read one of these epistles that lurk inside cards, but this year I might just throw them out unread. I love Christmas cards where you catch up with each other in a real way. Even a few words can sum up a year - and if it's hand written, it seems to come from the heart

  16. Hope you can get hold of the special, Glynis.
    I agree, I really do find that a couple of hand written lines in a card mean so much more.