Love them or loathe them it is the season for the Round Robin. I gave up reading them years ago and they head straight for the shredder unread. I have neither the time nor the will to read them.
Personally I would rather read a couple of personal lines scribbled on a Christmas card.
My daughter has written one this year. I've changed the names to protect the innocent, but have decided to reproduce it here.
So with thanks to Lisa Johnson . . .
January - a new niece was born, and Boris turned 4 years of age! We were entering month 4 of an endless bout of sickness which lasted another 2 months! We got through it by singing songs and hitting each other with holly leaves.
February - Valentines Day arrived along with a diamond ring from Dad for Mum, it was so perfect and un-flawed that we have had to put it in a vault and visit it at weekends. We all celebrated by singing and hitting ourselves with holly leaves.
March - Boris completed his A-level Maths. Next year he is going for French and History of Art! We rewarded him by allowing him to sing to us and hit us with holly leaves.
April - Spring sprung and we went to Disneyland Florida with our annual passes on our private jet, we stayed in the queen’s villa, which has a hot tub, and is actually situated in the middle of Disneyland. Mickey Mouse invited us for dinner and served us with white chocolate cakes and mint toothpaste on crackers. We were a bit surprised that he was drunk and we had to leave quickly. We hid ourselves under some holly leaves and sang to ourselves quietly to comfort ourselves.
May - Eugenie starred in her own play, she wrote the script and all the music and was mentioned in most of the major London newspapers - she met God and Jesus and they signed her t-shirt. We gave them some holly leaves and sang to them.
June - We were so wrapped up in ourselves we barely noticed that summer was upon us! We spent a lot of time outside singing loudly much to the delight of all who live near us. We cooked nasty food on the bbq, and Eugenie turned 2. We sang to her and hit her with holly leaves.
July & August we took a tour of Mars and stopped off at the moon on the way home, we got a real feel for 'life in space' and wonder how we ever got on before we went there. There were no holly leaves to hit ourselves with and our singing got lost as there was no atmosphere.
September - Boris started at university, he adores it! He spends most of his time reciting the dictionary (his favourite book!) and he recently drew plans up for a new luxury home for us! He has made so many little friends and he hits them with holly leaves and teaches them to sing.
October - Dad was released from his duty at the local charity 'cash for the under-privileged' he has spent 65 hours a week for the last 20 years doing good works and looking down on the needy and stupid. So he has now joined a barbershop quartet and sings with them while wearing holly leaves as a buttonhole.
November - Boris has excelled at his music lessons, and has passed grade 57 recorder with angel wings, but only managed a distinction for piano at grade 33.
December - we are getting ready for our Christmas celebrations, we shall be singing locally, dancing through the streets, visiting the needy and baking them some delicious pies and things because the needy love pastry. Mum will be cooking her famous 7 meat Christmas dinner and Dad will be descending on earth from above on a golden cloud. Rainbows usually fly from our arseholes at this time of year because we are so bloody wonderful - so if you see a rainbow at this time of year, chances are you will find an arsehole at the end of it!
Merry Christmas - our lives are better than yours!!