Saturday, 19 September 2009

Buckle Ye Swashes!

Ahoy there me hearties!

Today it be Talk Like A Pirate Day and I’ve bin puttin in so much practice that I’ve developed a limp and me tongues got the cramp.

I be bloggin about a worryin new trend in the buccaneerin business.

It be known as compensation.

Aye, maties.

So what do ye do if ye gets ye injured in the course of ye duties in the sweet trade me buckos?

Well ye can forget hasty medical attention aboard ship. If the cook’s not up to his eyeballs in turtle stew ee’ll be givin ye a seein to.

If ee should survive the ministrations o’ t’ cook, ye can expect remuneration for t’ loss o’ ye body parts in t’ followin’ sums:

100 pieces of eight for an eye or a finger
400 pieces of eight for a port leg
500 pieces of eight for a port arm or starboard leg
600 pieces of eight for a starboard arm

As well as pieces of eight, ye can expect to have a prosthetic replacement part of the finest quality wood – or in fact any spare bit o plank we can find lyin around.

In addition t’ the above ye can have a job aboard ship swabbin t’ decks or dolin out t’ hard tack or loadin t’ six pounder.

Tis a licence for t’ bilge rats to skive if ye arsk me and ye wonder where it will all end.

Oo Cap’n, I got a splinter in me thumb, ‘ow many pieces of eight do I get? Oo Cap’n, I stubbed me toe on the fore boom, I’ll need a prosthetic toenail and twenty pieces of eight.

Tis a slippery slope I tell ee.

Afore ee know it ye’ll have landlubbers joinin ship in their droves, ‘acking orf their bits ‘n pieces and demandin pieces of eight and cushy jobs.

If ye want to know more about Talk Like A Pirate Day, visit Mad Cap’n Tom at his great grand website. This year they be hookin up with Marie Curie Cancer Care and they be hopin to be raisin plenty o’ booty for that fine cause

Ye can also visit Cap’n ‘Ackles, a direct descendent of the mighty Blackbeard

I’ll be shovin off now mateys, but I’ll be leavin you with this thought for t’ day. Where do pirates do their Christmarrrs shoppin?

Toys aaaaarrr us.


  1. Arrr, ye be bloody mad, wench. I do be getting fed up of talkin like this but can't stop now. The LSO e be gone looting Somerfields' astead of swabbing the Penrhiw decks. 'E reckon to be sick to the parrot's arse o' me talking like a pirate. I bin threatened with the plank but told im it were needed for that Scurvy blaggard Simon W.

  2. Arrr! That scurvy blaggard Simon W 'as bin skivin' off at 'is writing group - let's make 'im walk the plank! 'ad forgot bout this pirate day as I were too busy sailing the seven seas and looting for booty. But mw wooden leg's got wood worm and there be weavils in me 'ob nobs.

    Weigggggggh the Anchor me 'earties arrrrrghhh!

  3. Tis doin me ead in all this piratical doins!

  4. LOL! I don't know if I could have managed an entire blog talking like a pirate crazy woman! Gotta love talking like a pirate day :D

  5. It do be fun . . . oh shiver me timbers I can't stop . . .

  6. Arrrrr! In honour of talk like a pirate day I went to Pirate Pete's indoor play area today with my daughter and her niece and nephew so I did. Arrrrr!

    Julie xx