Saturday, 27 August 2011

This is Me!

No, not that me – me me. Indy Me. She can’t type – you should see her right hand. You know when people blow up a rubber glove? That’s her hand that is!

She says something bit her. Well it wasn’t me. Her beloved asked if it could have been a snake, had she seen one at all when she was throwing the ball for me (I might have known there’d be some hint of blame thrown in my direction). She said she thought she might have noticed if she’d grabbed a snake instead of my tennis ball, apparently they don’t go as far or bounce as well. Not that she’s ever tried throwing one you understand.

Personally I think it was one of those winged buzzy things that come in the bedroom at night. It got her on the back as well

But you don’t want to hear about her.

It’s not easy for a dog of a certain age to keep little people entertained, looked after and clean, but I do my best.

So you’d think I’d get time off for a little R and R (Rolling and Rolling) without being shouted at wouldn’t you?

Well it started a couple of weeks ago when she came home with two of her little people and fell flat on her face in the front door on top of a pile of bags. Luckily she didn’t land on any little people – or me, so that was all right.

I volunteered to sleep in with her and the girls, just to keep an eye on things you understand. I hardly got any sleep the first night. She kept getting up to check the little one in her cot – presumably in case she’d decided to climb out and go wandering about or something. In the end I had to get up myself, so she took me out to the garden. Boy was I thirsty – I nearly emptied that bird bath.

Goodness knows why she was hopping round outside in her bare feet waving her arms at me and shrieking in a loud whisper. What’s wrong with birdbath water? It’s not like anyone was using it at the time. When I got in she tapped her dirty foot and pointed at my full water bowl. Huh , she just doesn’t get it. I mean why would I want to drink clean water from a bowl when I can drink smelly water full of feathers and bits of leaf from the birdbath? I ask you.

Then I got an itch. Well you’ve got to have a scratch haven’t you? And my foot needed a good licking. And then… you’re not going to believe this… she accused ME of keeping HER awake!

The next night I hardly got any sleep. She’d realised the little one was fine, but this time she reckoned she heard a mozzie buzzing. So she got up and checked the girls weren’t smothered in biting insects. Then it happened again. Up she got. Well honestly, a dog needs his beauty sleep you know. But she might have been right about the mozzie – I was very itchy.

This went on half the night, then she remembered she’d got a bottle of citronella oil so she tip-toed round the room sprinkling it everywhere. That was it. I’d had enough. I went off to sleep with someone else. Someone who doesn’t keep getting up and wandering about.

But towards the end of the holiday I decided to give her another chance. This time I took up my rightful half of the bed so I could cuddle the little person in the middle while she, for reasons best known to herself, slept with one foot on the floor moaning because I’d got all the covers – tuh! Anyway, she hadn’t given up the night time wanderings. This time she decided some passing burglar was going to climb in through the window, kill me and steal her granddaughters while she slept. Slept? So she shut the windows. So it got hot.

Honestly, what I have to put up with – you’ve no idea.

So anyway there was this dead crow. Well it was more like a pile of feathers really, but it smelled brilliant and so I got my shoulder down into it and was just about to have a good old roll about when she bellows at me and starts thundering across the field like some sort of mad cow – that’s if mad cows have red faces and bulging eyes.

Mooo she said. Or maybe it was “Get out of that you disgusting little beast!” But she wasn’t that close so I carried on until she was about two feet away when I sprang up and put on my innocent, “Oh were you talking to me?” expression. She knows she can’t tell me off once I’ve stopped doing whatever it was I was doing when she started ranting.

Anyway next day she forgot about the dead crow. But I didn’t. I managed to get my shoulder into it again before she stopped me. Now she’s started taking a different route round the fields, but there will be others! I know there will. And when there are, I am ready, with my shoulder for a bit of R and R.

Meantime, just wanted to let you know what a hypocrite she is, moaning about me doing something one minute, then doing it herself the next. No, I didn’t catch her slurping out of the bird bath or rolling in stinky corpses (I bet she’d like to really), but she kept Tilly awake half the night with her scratching. Maybe she should have got up and sprinkled her citronella oil round.

Just thought I’d put the record straight anyway. She’s the one with all the foibles (not sure what they are but I’m sure she eats too many of them) not me!


  1. Sounds like you're doing a good job keeping her on her toes, Indy. Hope your mistress's hand gets better soon and isn't stop her from feeding you.

    I bet you're right about her wanting to R& R with the crow ;-)

  2. Listen up, Indy. Rolling in dead crows is disgusting. Do you hear me? Disgusting. I am entirely on Her side over this.

    And I hope her bites and bumps get better soon.

  3. Our dogs have always loved birdbath water better than anything in their own waterbowl. I don't remember that we've encountered a dead crow. But dead hedgehogs, rabbits, rats - yup, all good for R & R! Hope those bites ease off soon.

  4. Now that Indy's spilled the the beans, I'm seeing you in a different light, Teresa!

    WV is - slying

  5. Yuk Indy not nice! But I do have to say you have a gift for describing things that has me laughing out loud. Not laughing at Her you understand - we once got bitten by mozzies when we were abroad. No laughing matter. x

  6. Thank you Jarmara, I'm happy to say she is still managing to feed me. That's the most important thing!

    I bet Titch would be on my side, Frances!

    The best I ever found was a dead seal - it was on the marshes for weeks and I managed to get to it nearly every day! It stuck to my fur like glue. Mmm, I smelled gorgeous!

    No use talking to her, Martin, she's in the corner clutching her wrist and saying she'll never type again!

    Thank you, Sue - I'm much better at it than she is!

  7. Bird Bath water is nectar, Joanne!

  8. It sounds to me that your mistress just does not appeciate you, Indy. There's a basket with a comfy cushion at my place any time you like. Just a couple of rules- no bird bath water and no dead crows. Please tell Teresa I hope her hand gets better soon.

  9. Never mind Indy, your mistress is bound to be anxious if she's been bitten by whatever bug it was. You wouldn't want to find anything in the bird bath water that might bite you too, however tempting it may be.

  10. Great post, Indy. But, ouch, that hand sounds painful.


  11. Hey Indy - give me high five paw dude! What is it with these bipeds huh? Don't they *know* that dawg's such as us were born to roll? I'm in the dog house again (where do they get that saying from - it's not as if cat's don't do bad things either is it?!) This time it's cow poo. Normally I get away with it 'cos the cow poo has "set" if you know what I mean. So how's a girl to know that this time it might have looked "set" but was still squishy underneath? Anyhoo - I think you can read between the lines here - I duly rolled, like I was born to, then the next thing she's apocalyptic. Said some *really* nasty things about me and my parentage I can tell you. Then, to my great shame, she drags me by the collar, puffing and a pantin' (I can play hard to get and dig the paws in when I have to!) to the beach. Then she chucks me in the sea - no mean feat - I'm a big girl - and using seaweed (doesn't she know that stinks as well?) proceeds to wash me off. Don't know who was more embarrassed, her or me - we were the object of fascination for all those sitting on the beach at the time. Once I was clean(ish) she takes me back to the car - but not before I managed a sly shake all over the back seat ;o) Anyway best go as she's still go the hump with me. I need to smooze big time - after all a girl's gotta have a chew stick or two before bed time. Molly xx

  12. Aaaw, por Indy - you must be exhausted! I hope her hand isn't so bad she has trouble dishing up your grub.

  13. Hi Indy,
    Yes, it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star.
    I've had a good read of your 'pawsting' and I must say, Indy, what a pawsitively pawesome writer you are. More proof, that we dogs are better writers than humans could ever be! Did I mention I like rubbing myself in fox droppings?
    Oh yes, I hope your human's hand will soon be better. Of course, this gave you a chance to show of your writing pawfection....
    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, your way, Penny x

  14. She doesn't, Elizabeth. I'm glad you understand. That cushion sounds very tempting.

    I hadn't thought about biting things being in the bird bath, Carol. Still, I'm willing to take the risk :-)

    You should have heard her moaning about it, Suzanne! She was on the verge of going to the hospital - I ask you! What a fuss! I told her to paint it red and tell everyone she was wearing a boxing glove and she said she'd box my ears for me!

    Ah Molly, I've never encountered cow poo, but poo isn't really my thing. Now my mate Oakley would love that! Being scrubbed with seaweed, you poor thing, it must have been so embarrassing. I mean if you wanted to smell like seaweed you'd have rolled in that wouldn't you?

    I am exhausted, Patsy. There'd be trouble if she couldn't dish up my grub. I put up with a lot, but I won't stand for my meals being late - or not at all!

    Hello Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star :-) Oakley likes fox droppings too - and swan poo. He says it sticks better than rotting dead things. I may have to give it a try. The human's hand is smaller today - she reckons she can see her veins and knuckles again.

  15. Sounds like you're doing a good job looking after your poor mistress and keeping everyone in order, so maybe we'll forgive you a little mucky behaviour.

  16. Indy, you really should write a book! After all, they are adding sounds to e-books so pretty soon they might be adding smells, too!!!

  17. Well I'm glad someone recognises all the hard work I do, thank you Rosemary!

    I am writing a book, hydra, but I am easily distracted. Books a la stench (the stinkier the better) sound like heaven to me - it gives R and R a whole new meaning. I could Read and Roll!

  18. It's a dog's life, Indy - what you have to put up with!
    Send love to your human and hope her hand is better soon! x

  19. Indy, I think my cats could give you a run for your money when it comes to find disgusting places to drink from rather than going anywhere near the nice clean water bowl!

  20. Indy, you're just not understood, that's the trouble. Cruel!

  21. Thank you, Lydia!

    It was a cat that taught me everything I know about drinking from bird baths, Helen ;-)

    Well said Jenny!